Is Your Definition of Success Holding You Back?

By David Geller
May 13, 2013 //
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Last week, a good friend told me, “If I take this job, I know I will be a success. I can do the job, get promoted and earn a lot of money. The problem is I will be miserable working there.”

Isn’t that a curious statement? Can my friend really think he will be successful if he is going to be miserable?

My friend is confused. His challenge is that he is using money as a way to keep score. He imagines that he will be a success by working hard, getting promoted, and most importantly, bringing home a boatload of money.

Even if he is miserable.

A successful life is not about the money you earn. A successful life is about feeling empowered to use all your wealth, not just your money, to create the life you desire. Success is about creating the opportunity to live at the intersection of close meaningful relationships, high-challenge, high-skill activities that engage you, and frequent opportunities to make a difference in the lives of others.

When we define our success solely in financial terms, we lose sight of what really matters in life. And it is impossible to create the life we want if we focus on the wrong destination.

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The Dry Moat of Jerusalem

By David Geller
May 6, 2013 //
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The old city of Jerusalem is surrounded by a wall and a moat. Not surprising, considering Jerusalem’s history of being attacked over the centuries.

What is surprising is that Jerusalem’s moat was never filled with water. A moat without water doesn’t add much to a city’s defenses. So, why did the Crusaders build the moat? Because that is how it was done at the time. You conquer a city, you build a wall and dig a moat to defend it – even if you don’t have water to fill the moat.

How often do we get caught in a similar trap? All too often.

We stay in a job we no longer enjoy because we have always been a lawyer, real estate broker, or doctor. We behave this way because it’s who were are and it’s what we do.

Our spiritual values have evolved over the years, yet we stay at the same church where we grew up – because our family has always been members of this church.

We crave the slower pace of a small town, yet we stay in the bustling metropolis – because this is where we have always lived.

Have you built a dry moat around your life? Maybe it’s time to lower the drawbridge, fill in the moat and create the life you have always desired.

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Money Can Buy Satisfaction

By David Geller
April 29, 2013 //
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After working with affluent families for 25 years as a financial advisor, I am convinced that life satisfaction increases with affluence but happiness rarely does.

Life satisfaction is a survey where you ask people how satisfied they are with life. My sense is that when people are asked that question, it triggers a comparative analysis. Because many American’s view money and possessions as a way to keep score, the comparison often includes a large financial component. When folks reflect on their life satisfaction, they ask how does my life compare to the life of average American? From a financial standpoint, the answer is often very positive. The affluent live in nicer homes, drive nicer cars, take nicer vacations, and have better access to quality health care. It is no wonder they self report being more satisfied with life.

Happiness is how happy you are as you live your life on a day-to-day basis. In this case, folks do not get any happier as incomes rise above $75,000. Why? The answer may be surprisingly simple. Because, while happiness is built on the foundation of a stable lifestyle, there is more to generating greater happiness in our lives than having a particular lifestyle.

First, what makes a stable lifestyle? Enough money to provide secure housing. If you are worried about being foreclosed on or evicted, it is stressful and harder to be happy. Enough money to adequately feed and clothe you and your family, reliable transportation, and access to quality health care. If you have enough money for those lifestyle necessities and a little left over for fun, that is all the money you need to be happy. More money will buy you a nicer home, better clothes and the like, but likely does not increase happiness. What does?

Once you have a stable lifestyle, I believe that there are three drivers of happiness. The first is the quality of your most important relationships. The second is the amount of time you are engaged in high-challenge, high-skill activities that grab your complete attention. The third is the opportunity to make a positive difference in the lives of others. The wealthy may feel satisfied with what they have accomplished in life, particularly financially, but in most cases, I have found that the money they have accumulated does not directly impact the drivers of happiness.

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Courageous Generosity II

By David Geller
April 29, 2013 //
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It is amazing what is available for free, or virtually free, in today’s world. Legal advice is free (www.lawguru.com). Tax preparation advice is free (www.taxact.com). Medical advice is free (www.webmd.com). Marketing advice is free (www.copyblogger.com/imfsp).

Okay, it is not really free. It is often generic advice that can, when taken out of context, be more harmful then helpful.

Many of us sell our time, talents, wisdom, experience and network of personal connections. We give advice tailored to the customer’s specific situation.

We resent the free advice model. We want to get paid for the value we deliver. After all, why should we, a true professional, give it away for free?

Because we should have the courage to be generous – the courage to meet with a potential customer, listen to their story, and give them the best advice we can, for free. It takes courage to stop worrying about being paid, and to focus on the person who sits before us.

It takes courage because the only compensation we might receive is the satisfaction of helping another human being.

I am not suggesting you give away your advice forever. I am suggesting that adopting an attitude of generosity and focusing on the person before you gives you the chance to demonstrate both your value and your character.

And in many cases, that will lead to a paying client. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay, too.

Have the courage to be generous.

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Courageous Generosity

By David Geller
April 22, 2013 //
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(subscribers -click on link to access blog).Our lives are better when we are generous.  We feel good when we give of ourselves – whether it be our money, time, or talents – to make a positive difference in someone else’s life.  Acts of generosity often allow us to open up to others and forge new relationships.

Being generous is not always easy. We live in a world that bombards us with messages of scarcity. It is tough to be generous if we fear we might need the money tomorrow.  We live in a competitive world that encourages us to use money as a way to keep score.  Nobody wants to be generous and end up feeling like a loser.

The truth is generosity takes courage, and practice.

Start building your generosity muscle. Give until you feel a bit uncomfortable.  Give a little extra to a charitable cause you care about.  Spend a little extra time with a friend or work colleague who could use your help.  Leave an larger-than-usual tip to a server who provided excellent service.

And every time you stretch your generosity muscle, ask yourself the following three questions:

  1. Do you feel energized by being generous?
  2. Do you feel more connected to the person or cause you helped?
  3. Do you feel more confident as you face the future?

My hunch is you will discover generosity feels great.

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The World’s Most Powerful Person: You

By David Geller
April 15, 2013 //

(click on link to access the entire blog). Okay, I admit you don’t have the financial resources of Bill Gates, the political influence of President Obama, or the personal following of Oprah.

You are, however, the most powerful person in the world when it comes to creating the life you desire.  You probably have far more capacity to change your life for the better than you are willing to admit.

Just for a moment, see yourself as the powerful person you are.  Focus on your Signature Talents™, the things you can do that others often struggle with.  Consider your personal strengths – strengths like your ability to relate to others, your persistence and resilience, and your sense of humor.  Reflect on your ability to access the talents and wisdom of your family, friends, and colleagues.  Consider the value of the wisdom you have accumulated through the years.

When you see yourself as the powerful person you really are, do your anxieties fade while your confidence builds?  From this place of confidence, consider how you can use all your resources to create the life you desire while enhancing the lives of your loved ones and helping to heal your corner of the world.

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Graduating College – We Did It!

By David Geller
April 8, 2013 //

My son Daniel will graduate soon from Pomona College.  As he dons his cap and gown, I expect he will feel proud of his accomplishment.

The reality is that he did accomplish it, but not alone.  “We” accomplished it.  Yes, Daniel worked hard and deserves  praise and accolades.  But he had luck and help along the way.

Daniel was born in Atlanta, Georgia, not war-torn Africa.  He grew up in a loving stable household; he never had to worry about his physical safety or where his next meal would come from.  And he had private school teachers who engaged him in a dynamic learning environment.

All too often, we give ourselves too much credit for our individual successes.  We fail to recognize how lucky we have been and how many people and the rest of society has contributed to our success.

When we give ourselves all the credit, we dampen our sense of gratitude. When we give ourselves all the credit and things go badly we find ourselves taking all the blame and feeling alone and isolated. (And that is rarely, if ever, true.)

Reflect on your success.  Cultivate a sense of gratitude for everything and everyone that made it possible. And then, give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.

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Is Your Ladder Leaning Against the Wrong Building?

By David Geller
April 1, 2013 //

We Americans celebrate our can-do spirit. We get up every day filled with enthusiasm to climb the ladder of success.  We rejoice in our accomplishments, lament our setbacks, and continually push ourselves onward and upward.

After years of spending the overwhelming majority of our time and attention climbing our success ladder, we finally make it.  We get the big promotion, earn what we have dreamed about, or sell our business for millions.  All too often, once our initial euphoria fades, we are left wondering, Is this all there is?

Happiness in life depends upon the quality of our most important relationships, our ability to engage in activities that grab out passions, and making a difference in the lives of others. When we pursue “success” and neglect what matters most, we can achieve remarkable financial success yet still end up feeling empty. Are you focusing enough of your time and attention on what matters most to you?

Is your ladder leaning against the wrong building?

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Managing Your Investments by Managing Your Emotions: Fight Fear by Using Your Emotions to Invest Smarter

By David Geller
March 25, 2013 //

Fear.  The single largest obstacle that stands between us and investment success.

Intellectually, we understand all the logical rationale for creating and maintaining a diversified portfolio, sticking with stocks for the long run, investing money on a regular basis and not getting swayed by short-term market swings.

Although understand intellectually, logic doesn’t seem to matter when we watch our portfolio decline in value as the market plunges. Our rational brain might say to hold on, but our stomach screams sell, Sell, SELL!  We know all this, yet we keep repeating the same cycle of buying high and selling low.

The antidote to fear is not logic.  Strong emotional reactions need strong emotional medicine.  The next time you feel that pit in your stomach as the market drops precipitously, try asking yourself the following questions:

  1. Can I predict the future? (Hint: The answer is always no.)
  2. What do I rely on as I face an uncertain future? Is it my close relationship with family and friends, my intelligence, my faith in God, my persistence and resilience, or something else?
  3. What ten things am I most grateful for in my life?

Once you are finished, see if you feel a bit calmer and less likely to overreact to the next short-term market move.

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March Madness: The Intersection of Wealth and Happiness

By David Geller
March 18, 2013 //

Being a coach of a major basketball program is a very full-time job.  The season lasts from fall to spring, and recruiting is a year-round activity.  The pressure is intense. Winning championships is expected.

So why don’t successful coaches like Coach K,  Rick Pitino, Roy Williams, and Tom Izzo simply retire and rest on their laurels?

They keep coaching because coaching places them at the intersection of wealth and happiness. They use their wealth (their time, Signature Talents™, wisdom, and body and mind), to create close relationships with their players, engage in an activity that grabs their full attention, and make a difference in these young men’s lives.

When we have a job that puts us at the intersection of wealth and happiness, we have a job we love that doesn’t feel like work.

Does your job place you at the intersection of wealth and happiness?  If so, count your blessings.  If not, what can you do at work to move closer to the intersection of wealth and happiness?  What new responsibilities might you take on?  What suggestions might you share with your boss?  What relationships might you choose to develop?

After all, we all want to love our jobs, maybe even more than we want Michigan to win the NCAA Tournament.

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